Goops and How to Be Them

Let me introduce a Race

Void of Beauty and of Grace,

Extraordinary Creatures

With a Paucity of Features.

Though their Forms are fashioned ill,

They have Manners stranger still;

For in Rudeness they're Precocious,

They're Atrocious, they're Ferocious!

Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright,

Politeness from the Impolite.

When you've finished with the Book,

At your Conduct take a Look;

Ask yourself, upon the Spot,

Are you Goop, or are you Not?

For, although it's Fun to See them

It is Terrible to Be them!

By : Frank Gelett Burgess (1886 - 1951)

01 - Introduction, Table Manners—I, Table Manners—II, Cleanliness, Neatness, Courtesy, Generosity, Consideration, Miss Manners, Borrowing, Memory 02 - Books, Honesty, "Why?", Bed-Time, Modesty, Disfiguration, Bravery, Tidiness, Patience Fortitude, George Adolphus 03 - Politeness, Gentleness, Hospitality, Pets, Remember, Curiosity, Willy, Clothes, Helpfulness, Quietness, Order 04 - Teasing, Interruption, Cry-Baby, Caution, Tardiness, Obedience, Church Headaches, Perseverance, Doll-Time, Combing and Curling, Cheerfulness